Monday, June 03, 2013

Where Moon went and why, life after what felt like near death

My o my its been a long ass time since I was back in my little blog nest!
I've missed you!
I have a reliable PC now and will get back to my tiny spot on the net that has been a part of my life for many years! I miss posting...I miss sharing....I miss peeking into these tiny windows we are so kind to let others peer into.
It's taken 3 years to get my head around everything life had thrown at me but I'm alive, have 2 kids that really love me and have found and married my soul mate.
 And what did life throw at me you ask?
I know your curious. What could throw someone off their bearings and send them out into the world with just a bag of clothes after a decades (21 years) long marriage?
Well at first the tale started with yours truly as the bad guy. Beyond bad, Total douche.
 You see, I fell in love with someone else. But the truth of the tale was my husband at the time also had a secret. He had started another life and family.
I am talking "having kids and everything " family started. I sounds like some horrible Dateline true life horror story only nobody was murdered.
No one knew. It had been going on for years before I met the man I fell head over heels over. How crazy is that?

(Just a side note lest you think "How on earth could she miss that one??" My x was military and this other life happened during overseas stretches.)
My X  had seemed to be the perfect husband. It wasn't until well after the divorce and all the damage done to my character that the real story came out. Much too late for me to repair many friendships, whom quite a few now saw me as a "monster" How could I have hurt such a "wonderful" man and father with my affair?
 Not to mention what my kids thought of me for "betraying" their father.
 They also didn't know about the other family until after the divorce. My poor kids, grown as they are, they have been through the mill. Having to keep a stiff upper lip through all of this upheaval.
Crazy how someone can have such a hidden life.
Crazy the lengths someone would go to, trying to destroy the person they lived with for 20 years just to save a dollar and a cent. Or really not even that, not to save money I feel, just to see that person destroyed and buried with nobody and nothing left. I cant imagine doing that to anyone. especially since he already had another family. I guess he wanted me dead and gone so there would be no evidence of my existence. That was a fail on his part. God knows he tried though.
(Thank u my Sunny Chic, I'm so glad I didn't lose you too)

Now I have to tell you there were some pretty dark times to be had over these 3 years. Its been pretty damn brutal. Can you imagine not knowing a person at all, I mean AT ALL when you have lived with them half of your adult life? Someone who must have secretly hated you and you had no idea?  That they are some scary stranger? It was terrible finding out all these truths.
Toss in the added problem of my severe anxiety/panic disorder which of course my X went after with much relish, seriously I was sooooo on the verge of cliff diving.
(Those of you who know me in real life probably have no idea I suffer from this. You know all about my infamous migraines but other things I tend to hide well. It got so bad in 2010 I could hardly function without having panic attacks almost daily. Horrible stuff)

Thank god for the man I had fallen in love with, had he not been there for me I think I might have died.

So enough of that rotten tasting stuff, I will wrap it up neatly with the end result that I lost everything material I've shared with you all over the years.
Every single sewing machine.
EVERY single amazing vintage sewing machine.
Its crushing...every vintage babydoll.
When I say everything, I DO indeed mean everything. Clothes, books, dishes, pictures, keepsakes, jewelry etc.
(The horrors continue! That includes my massive yarn stash collected over nearly 8 years)
 I shit you not when I say I left with one small duffel bag of clothes. And too scared to do anything about it. That's it. I have to laugh about it or the crying will never end.

Its ok though. Really.  I win. My kids know I'm not that big of a monster and I've got my fella, Big Daddy. That can get a girl through a lot of hardships. But I won't lie to you. I really wish I had some of my favorite old sewing machines and baby doll's back to play with....I can't lie about that.

Big D and myself.
My hero, I LOVE this guy!  :)


KTC said...

Wow, you've been through some stuff. I'm sorry to hear you lost your things but I'm glad things are looking up for you and I'm glad to see you're back to posting.

Moon said...

Thank u! Im glad to be back. I missed my blog and all the wonderful people Ive met through it. Like yourself. ;)
Loss of twenty years of possessions is horrible but Ive gained real love in my life and that is a spoonful of sugar in the mouth when I get sad about it. lol

Acornbud said...

We "wonder" about you at Aloha Yarns and although I bemoan your loss of stash and other material things, I'm relieved to hear you are still with us, creating a new life and have the important things.